


Into the Water (let it pull him under)

by Pawthorn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Critical Role Spoilers, Drama, F/F, Friendship, Hurt Caduceus, M/M, Mentions of Beau/Jester - Freeform, Mentions of Beau/Yasha - Freeform, Mighty Nein as Family, Past Fjord/Avantika, Post 112, Protective Fjord, Teehaw, Uk'otoa sucks, Wildbros, mentions of fjorester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawthorn/pseuds/Pawthorn
Summary: Uk'otoa wants to drag Fjord into the sea, but Fjord's newfound strength prevents him. Fortunately, the Wildmother's Champion has other weaknesses to exploit.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86
Collections: Caduceus Clay Whump Collection





	1. Watching

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Bottom of the River by Delta Rae  
> This chapter is set-up, the next will jump in where 112 left off.

_Watching_.

The betrayer turns his back on you.

But your eye is still on him.

You watch him dally in the darkness across continents, when he knows, HE KNOWS how to release you. You've given him power, strength, purpose, and yet this weak willed fleshling hesitates.

So you give him a taste, just a taste, of life without you. Of just how helpless he is without the power you grant him.

 _Potential_.

His fear is promising. But his eye strays to another- a warm presence, teaming with life that buzzes and creeps and INVADES, working its way into his soul.

_Learn._

He begins to ask questions, to explore, to reach out. To ask what it takes to be one of HERS. She CANNOT HAVE HIM.

 _Grow_.

He hides. He reaches out to HER in cowardly desperation, and you cannot see him. She keeps you at bay, so you withdraw, coil tightly and wait.

 _Provoke_.

You take back what is yours. You watch for the fear, the acceptance. You wait for him to crawl back to you.

He doesn't.

The fear is there, even as he uses your gift to carve into his own flesh. Trying to dominate you. To force your hand. It's almost amusing.

You do nothing, letting him carve.

The deepest stroke will not sever you from him.

 _Consume_.

He throws your gift away. In a flash, it disappears into the lava, becoming one with the molten rock of the Wild Mother's forge.

And he stumbles, weak and dripping his own tepid life blood on the ground, to the one who is CRAWLING with Her energy. He lets the parasitic cling of love and acceptance burrow into his once smooth and polished exterior.

 _Reward_.

And you can do nothing but watch.

Watch as She wraps him in Her embrace.

Watch as She gives him strength, power to use the knowledge you gifted him without relying on you at all.

Watch him travel far and wide, but never where he needs to go. Never where you can reach him.

Watch as gifts are given.

Truths are spoken.

Acceptance is gained.

 _Patience_.

You watch.

You wait.

He will return.

He must.

And you will be ready, for him and those foolish enough to stand with him.

At last, he returns to your domain.

He is confident.

He is careless.

He is back in your grasp.

You lie in wait, summoning faithful servants to take back what is yours. To destroy the betrayer.

And you have him.

You HAVE him.

But the leeches, the worms that cling to him, they keep him from your grasp. Your anger grows as you watch them swarm around him, cutting down the faithful, blocking their escape.

One holds your attention. The one that reeks of HER. The one that pulled the betrayer from you in the first place. He tears apart your beautiful creations with Her festering, insidious power.

He finds his way to the betrayer's side.

He snatches the tender, trembling soul out if your reach, forces it back into the broken body.

Then, even as you watch and plan for how to strike next, there is another surge of power.

This one burns you.

The tendrils you've woven into the betrayer's soul with such care are suddenly filled with a blazing warmth.

It sears you for untold minutes, whiting out your gaze and numbing your mind.

Then it recedes.

There is a breathless moment.

Then, the lines of power linking you to the betrayer begin to wilt.

They decay.

They crumble to dust.

There is a frenzied flash of activity.

Then darkness, except for the vision, burned in your mind's eye, of the one who stands between you and the betrayer.

 _Adapt_.

A new plan forms.


	2. It's a long way down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU continuation of episode 112.  
> During the icy sea battle, Avantika attacks Fjord in a way he wasn't expecting.

As the others scrambled to regain the cloven crystal, and to hold off the monsters swarming the ship, Fjord fought desperately to hold back Avantika.

The mad gleam that had sometimes lit her eyes in life had overtaken them in death. All of the wit, curiosity, the passion was gone, buried at sea with her mortal life. Now all that remained was the drive to serve her master, to see his will done at all costs. Not for the first time, Fjord's heart twinged with regret. He hadn't meant for her to die, that distant day on the docks. He certainly hadn't meant for her to meet a fate such as this-- lingering on only to carry out Uk'otoa's bidding. He knew too well the hollowness of living a false-life of sertitude, of slavery. He had escaped. She had not.

Avatika's smile was as twisted and icy as her form. She was relentless and ruthless as the ocean itself, slashing out again and again. A few months ago, Fjord would have been cowed, overcome by her persistent attacks.

But Fjord was not the same man he had been.

He was stronger, more sure. He had stopped hiding, stopped pretending. He had found love and acceptance-- no conditions or demands included.

And he would NOT be controlled by Uk'otoa again.

Fjord parried every slash, returning with his own. Avantika's grin shifted into a snarl as he forced her back. As he brought his guard up to block her rapier, he saw the flash of her dagger as it headed for a gap in his armor. He watched the blade streak in, waiting for the piercing pain of a deadly blow.

Pink magic, warm and familiar, swirled in. The dagger hit the barrier of magic and slowed, scraping the surface of his ribs in a wide, shallow cut instead of plunging deep into his stomach. He glanced around, catching Caduceus' smug grin for an instant. He turned back to Avantika. He was hurt, but not desperately so. She growled, eyes darting as he bore down on her with another attack.

"Fine," she hissed, gritting her teeth in a mockery of a smile. "I wanted to take the direct approach. Deal with you one on one. A personal touch. But He was right."

She slashed his sword aside, giving herself an opening to move outside his reach.

"There's more than one way to net a fish."

With that, she ran at Caduceus. With unnatural speed and strength, she latched on to him, pulled him to the rail, and threw herself over the side of the ship. Fjord watched as the struggling cleric was dragged over with her, headed for the freezing depths below.

"CADUCEUS!"

Jester's scream of desperation echoed the silent scream of Fjord's heart. His pulse hammered in his ears in time with his feet as they pounded the wood of the deck. He was across the ship and leaning out over the rail before he had time to think. He watched as Caduceus was pulled beneath the surface, overpowered by Avatika and two other sea wretches.

Not sparing even a moment to brace for the icy plunge, Fjord vaulted over the edge of the ship.

Hitting the water, he willed himself down, into the depths of the freezing ocean.

It took a moment for the cold register. Then the feeling came, not of cold as he had known it, but an aching, all encompassing pain. His vision went white. He gasped, and the freezing water entered his lungs. He wasn't drowning, thanks to his spell, but it _hurt._ He couldn't control his breathing. Each ragged breath chilled him to his core. He could barely think, let alone swim or fight.

The image of Caduceus being dragged under the waves flashed behind his eyes. Caduceus was down here too, freezing and in pain. In the hands of enemies.

Fjord gritted his teeth and forced himself to regain control. Shaking with pain and effort as well as cold, he opened his eyes.

It took him a moment to get his bearings, but he quickly spotted his quarry. They weren't far-- Caduceus was clearly putting up a fight. But he also looked worse for wear. His new coat was riddled with tears from the creatures' claws, there was a _bite mark_ on one shoulder. Even so, Caduceus was making things difficult for them, casting spells to drain the life from them even as he tried to wrench himself free of their grasping claws.

Fjord absorbed all of this in the space of a heartbeat. Then, he saw what they were dragging Caduceus toward.

His stomach dropped.

It was clearly some kind of portal-- a glowing, swirling gap in reality. Fjord didn't understand the magic behind it, but he didn't need to. He could feel the malice behind it, the familiar coiling, grasping menace of the magic that fueled it.

It was everything he had been fighting to rid himself of, and now it was trying to take hold of Caduceus.

_Like hell._

Uk'otoa would not _touch_ him. Not now, or ever. Not if Fjord had something to say about it.

He swam after them.

They spotted him almost immediately. Caduceus' eyes widened as they landed on Fjord, and his efforts to free himself redoubled.

"Of course," Avantika laughed. "Uk'otoa knows you well, _Tusk-Tooth._ All that effort, when all we needed was the right lure."

Her two lackey's broke toward Fjord. Caduceus' eyes narrowed. He muttered a soft incantation, and radiant light streaked from above to sear one of the entities as it moved away. It screamed, falling behind as the other surged forward. Avantika snarled, slashing Caduceus across the back with her rapier before dragging him toward the portal once more.

Heat flared against the cold in Fjord's chest, sputtering and hissing up through his throat and spilling out in a wordless cry of rage. He felt the strength of the tides surge behind him as he slammed into the first creature, cleaving it with his holy weapon and burning it with the Wildmother's divine fury. The sea itself followed the path of his blade, pummeling the creature and sending it reeling into its companion. Screeching in pain and anger, they were both on him a moment later. Claws and teeth tore at him, but he hardly felt it. These were distractions, annoyances to be dispatched, nothing more. Star Razor flashed, glowing with holy light but colder than the frigid sea surrounding them. In moments, both creatures were no more than scattered debris on the current.

A cry from Caduceus drew his attention. He and Avantika were close to the portal now, still fighting. Fjord surged forward, adrenaline fueling his sluggish muscles as he watched the struggle play out and tried to reach Caduceus.

Avantika was grinning from behind the cleric’s shoulder, arm around his neck and dagger close to his face. As she dragged him backward, pink tendrils of wild magic twined around her, settling into her skin and beneath her armor. Once they had taken hold, Caduceus clasped her forearm. His eyes went dark. Necrotic energy followed the pink lines of magic to vulnerable places, inflicting grievous wounds.

Avantika shrieked, pulling away. Necrosis should have been nothing to her, but Caduceus was keenly gifted in the ways of life and death. Her undead form looked impossibly injured. She looked at her withered and shaking hands, then back at Caduceus. A mad rage filled her eyes. She plunged her dagger into his back.

"NO!" screamed Fjord. Caduceus didn't make a sound. His face and body contorted in pain. His gaze met Fjord's for a moment with a look of regret, almost an apology. Then, his eyes rolled back and his body went limp.

Avantika stabbed him again.

"Stop, STOP!" The ragged cry burned as it exploded from Fjord's throat. He was close, but not close enough. Caduceus floated between him and Avantika, ghostly pale, pink hair drifting around him. Fjord cursed, stomach knotting. He was unable to heal from a distance. If he moved, Avantika might finish Caduceus off, or take him through the portal. If Fjord tried to blast her and he hit Caduceus instead-- that didn't bear thinking about.

And Caduceus was bleeding out in front of him.

"Listen," he said, trying to speak calmly over the panicked fury within. "This is about me, right? You and Uk'otoa, you want the same thing. To punish me. To hurt me. Fine." 

Dismissing the sword, he held his hands to the side, open and vulnerable. 

"You have me. Do what you came here to do."

The words drifted in the space between them as Fjord's heart hammered against his ribs.

_Please. Please, please, please…_

Finally, Avantika shrugged lazily.

"Alright," she said.

Then, she plunged the dagger into Caduceus' heart.

"NO!" Fjord's hand flew out uselessly as he watched Caduceus' eyes jolt open in pain. Then, they lost focus, staring back toward Fjord, unseeing.

He was gone.

Caduceus was _gone._

A laugh cut through his trembling shock. His eyes snapped to Avantika's face.

"Well," she said. "It's been lovely to see you again, darling. But we must be going."

She swam toward the portal once more, pulling Caduceus lifeless form with her.

_No ._

Avatika had hurt Caduceus, _killed_ Caduceus _,_ and now, she wanted to steal him. To take him and trap him in whatever dark plans Uk'otoa had for him.

_No._

Fjord wouldn't allow it. He had one chance to make this right, and he'd be damned if he failed Caduceus. Not again.

Fjord surged forward, and the sea with him. Avantika's smug grin faded to shock as he flashed toward her like lightning, sword appearing in his hand. In one fluid motion, he pulled Caduceus away and brought Dueth'var down on her. A strangled yell escaped her throat as the arm holding her dagger was severed at the shoulder. The back swing knocked her rapier from her grasp. He grabbed her by the collar, sliding the sword tip under her chin.

"I know you're _watching,_ " he spat, looking into Avantika's wide eyes, but seeing another eye entirely. "And I want you to know that I will do what you so desperately want. I _will_ release you. And then I will _end_ you. I’m coming for you, motherfucker."

With a quick, clean slash, the undead light was snuffed from Avantika's eyes. Her body tumbled through the portal, which swirled, flashed, and vanished, leaving a dark and empty expanse before him.

His muscles trembled. His core was icy. Fire burned in his limbs, then faded as his body began to lose feeling.

He couldn't pause even for a moment. Caduceus needed him.

Forcing his numb arms to cooperate, he gathered Caduceus up and kicked toward the surface.

One minute. If he got Caduceus to Jester in one minute, everything would be alright. Jester had done it before. Caduceus had done it for Fjord. He just needed to be quick enough.

He forced his sluggish body to do what needed to be done, but he couldn't keep his mind from spiraling. How long had it been already? Caleb would know; Fjord could only guess. Would Jester have the spell ready? Would she be able to cast it? How were the others faring against their enemies? No, not their enemies. _His_ enemies.

Fjord had brought this upon them. Fjord had gotten Caduceus _killed_. Who knew what other damage had been done aboard the ship? It was his fault that his friends were in danger, that Caduceus was...

Against his will, Fjord’s eyes strayed to the battered face of his friend. The soft, pale fur was marred by crimson slashes, the pink eyes devoid of humor and warmth and everything that made Caduceus who he was. It _never_ should have come to this. Caduceus wasn’t supposed to pay for Fjord’s mistakes. Fjord was supposed to keep his friends safe, not put them in harm’s way. Fjord was supposed to protect them.

To protect _him_.

Through all of the inconsistencies, all the turbulence and change in the world, Caduceus had become his constant. Like a current that sweeps ships to harbor, like a guiding star. Fjord needed him. Needed his brutal honesty and unaffected curiosity and macabre sense of humor. Needed his keen eyes and gentle hands and warm heart. They had so much left to do, to discover and explore. He couldn’t imagine doing it without Caduceus at his side.

He had to fix this.

He _had_ to.

He broke the surface.

Fjord gasped needlessly, surging up like a jumping fish. In his arms, Caduceus was utterly silent. It hurt like a physical blow.

The air was bitterly cold against his wet skin. He could feel the water beginning to freeze in his hair, across his cheeks. Shaking violently, he searched his surroundings for the ship.

There. It was behind them, barely visible through the fog. About a hundred yards off and moving away.

Too far.

Too fast.

“HELP!” Fjord tried to scream, but he had no breath. He was losing control of his body as the cold overtook him. Clumsily, he swam on, pulling Caduceus along, keeping his face out of the water. Fjord’s thoughts were muddy. He had to get to the ship. He was running out of time. Caduceus was counting on him…

Then he remembered. Caduceus. Water walking.

Fjord pulled himself and Caduceus onto the surface of the water. He couldn’t stand. He got onto his knees with Caduceus in his arms. He looked up through the mist at the stormy sky above, the sky he had promised the Wildemother to watch and trust. She had given him warning, and he had failed to see it.

But Her power was still with him.

This wasn’t over yet.

Closing his eyes, he let Melora’s power flow through him, into the waves below.

_Please. Please let me save him._

The water around him quivered.

Then, it blasted forward, like a raging river, streaming toward the ship. Fjord gasped in surprise as the freezing air buffeted him. He held Caduceus close and braced himself as they approached the stern.

“I SEE THEM!”

Beau.

“ _Ja_ , hold on, I’ve got them!”

Caleb.

An orange, spectral paw snatched them from the water, bearing them up to the deck.

“Fuck. JESTER! Get over here!” Beau grabbed one of Fjord’s arms as Caleb moved to support him from the other side.

“We,” Fjord panted. His voice sound strange, slurred, and far away. “We need a diamond. A small one… maybe. I don’t… I don’t know if I was… fast enough.”

“I’m here!” Jester said. There were tears in her eyes as she stared at Caduceus’ face and dug for the diamond. “Oh no, not again. What did they do to you?”

At last, she pressed the diamond to Caduceus chest, eyes tightly shut as she murmured a fervent prayer. Fjord stared into Caduceus’ face. Everything else faded.

_Please. Let my best be enough for once, Please give him back._

_I need him._

_I love him._

He didn’t see the cloaked figure appear behind Jester.

He didn’t feel the warm breeze that enveloped them, melting away the ice.

He did see Caduceus eyes flicker open.

He stared at Fjord for a moment, eyes warm.

_A miracle._

"Hey, Fjord," Caduceus whispered.

"Hey, Deuces," Fjord rasped out.

"I don't like your ex." Caduceus smiled crookedly, playful glint in his eyes.

Fjord choked out a bitter laugh, blinking back hot tears. He pulled Caduceus into a tight hug. Caduceus returned it, as violent shivers overtook his lanky frame. Fjord held him tightly, thankful for everything he hadn't lost.

After a few moments, Caduceus pulled away slightly.

“Jester,” he felt for her hand, and she grabbed it tightly, wiping away tears and trying to smile. He met her eyes. "Thank you."

"Of course, Caduceus," she said, sniffling. She pulled him into a hug. "Please don't make me do it again."

"I'll try not to," he leaned into her, patting her back.

Fjord listed to the side as the last of his adrenaline left him. Beau caught him and held him, keeping him from hitting the deck.

“The crystal?” Fjord said, through chattering teeth.

“Safe for now,” Beau said. “We can talk about that later.” 

"I'll go set up the tower," Caleb said, giving Fjord's shoulder a squeeze as he stood. "We have to get these two warm."

He hurried below deck, giving Caduceus a quick pat on the way by. Yasha passed him on the stairs. She looked them all over, and nodded, shoulder’s slumping with relief. She took up a position close by, standing guard.

That's how Vess Derogna found them. Her eyes swept over them, calm and cool as ever.

"I have questions," she said.

Fjord could practically feel the heat of Beau's glare. Jester made an incredulous sound, and Yasha placed herself between Vess and the others.

Vess smirked.

"Which, I suppose, can wait until tomorrow." She waved her hand. Fjord's clothing rustled as every drop of water was drawn out. Both he and Caduceus were left completely dry, without a trace of damp on skin or hair. "Take care of yourselves. I need you in working order."

Caleb and Veth approached as she left, ready to bring them all to rest, warmth, and safety in Caleb's tower.

* * *

A few hours later found them all in a new, small, pillow-lined room, buried in multitudes of blankets. They were huddled around Fjord and Caduceus, each of them dressed in light, soft night clothes. It was almost uncomfortably hot, but no one seemed to mind. Fjord appreciated the warmth, though he could have done without the horrible burning and pins and needles that had come as he and Caduceus regained feeling in their limbs. Now, they rested comfortably, sipping cocoa as Jester made the marshmallows in her mug kiss and Yasha blush.

Caduceus was asleep. 

Fjord watched his friend breathe, thinking about how much his past mistakes had almost cost him. About how much he had to be grateful for.

About how much he had to lose.

"Where's your head at, Cap'n," Beau said softly beside him.

He sighed.

"I'm thinking," he said, "About that god-killing weapon. About what else it might kill."

"You wanna go after Uk'otoa," she said, eyes wary.

"He won't stop coming after me until I do," he said. "Me, the people I care about."

His eyes drifted to Caduceus again.

"Yeah," Beau said. "About that..."

"Don't even start…"

"What?" She whispered. "I'm just saying. Have things… changed? Since last time we talked?"

"No. Yes. Not really," Fjord sighed. "I think… maybe they've been this way for a while and I just didn't… Fuck. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Hey, it's okay man," she said, elbowing him lightly. "I get it."

He followed her eyes to where Yasha and Jester were curled up together, whispering. Yes, she did get it.

“Anyway,” Beau sighed. “I’m here. If you wanna talk. Or go kill a demi-god. Or whatever. I got you.”

“Thank you, Beau,” Fjord smiled. “No captain ever had a better first-mate.”

Beau looked away bashfully, then punched him in the arm. She scooted away to join Jester and Yasha. On her way, she passed Veth and Caleb, who were deep in their notebooks, comparing spells.

Fjord moved closer to Caduceus. As careful as he was, his friend's eyes still fluttered open.

"Hey," Caduceus said, with a soft, lazy smile.

"Hey, Deuces," Fjord put a hand on his arm. "How're you feeling?"

"Well," he said, rubbing a faded bite mark on his shoulder. "All things considered, I'd say I'm doing pretty well. Thanks to you."

"Please," Fjord said. "Don't thank me. It was my fault they attacked in the first place. My mistakes that lead them to us. And they only went after you because of me. Because… I care about you."

Caduceus smiled, covering Fjord's hand with his own.

"I care about you too," he said. Warm, gentle, easy. "For me, that makes it worth it. Every time."

His eyes were fluttering as he spoke.

"Get some rest," Fjord said, pulling a blanket snuggly up to his chin. "I'll be here."

"I know," Caduceus sighed, drifting off.

For a while, Fjord watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, letting the sound of his rolling snore chase away memories of ice and death. Fjord let his eyes drift to his other friends, all of them a little silly and giddy with relief, all pushing off cares and questions until tomorrow.

His eyes grew heavy. Curling up with his hand on Caduceus’ chest, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in time for canon to sweep this all away. What else is fanfic for?  
> Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this chapter AGES ago, with the intent to write a fic where Uk-otoa went after Caduceus to get to Fjord, but I was having trouble coming up with a scenario I liked for the attack to take place. Then, Matt Mercer handed me a set up, and even stopped midway in the battle so that I can finish it the way I want.  
> Hope to have the next chapter up in the next few days... but life and CRinktober will determine exactly when. Before Thursday for sure.


End file.
